Fall Reflections

Fall is here. You can feel it in the air. Here in the valley on our farm we are picking the first pumpkins and preparing to open our pumpkin patch. In our ranches higher country, sheep are coming down from the high mountain pastures, the trees are changing color and the first tiny snow flurries float down to cover everything one day and disappear the next.

As I prepare for Mabon, Samhain, Thanksgiving, and all the fall activities, I find myself reflecting and traveling deeper into my inner world. It is the natural rhythm of the earth and of our spirits to do this in the fall. As I reflect, I remember that the motherhood time of small children is short like the waxing and waning of the seasons. Soon the leaves of childhood will fall to give way to the changes that bring on adulthood. There are so many ways I feel I fail to capture the wonder of what this journey really embodies and offers us. I don’t want to look back and say, “I wish ____________________”. 

If you are like me, you can get wrapped up in the plan of the holidays, and the execution of doing it all. My children can become little pawns in my big plans. I find myself trying to execute the picture perfect holiday and do all the top activities while falling short of capturing the spirit and sacred connection of it all. 

Inner growth takes time and it is an investment for more than yourself.  

However, when I pause in the quiet moments, I realize my children don’t care about how many things we do or how perfect the craft came out…they care about my presence. When my children say, “that was a great day mom” they say it based on how much our spirits connected and it has nothing to do with whether it was an instagram worthy craft or a messy table and floor I want no one to see. 

Connection with others springs from the inner growth of our own spirits. In motherhood time is precious not just in the sense of time with our children but also in the sense that there seems to be so much less of it. This is why I am choosing to make my festivals this year more simple. 

The more duties I assign to my motherhood the less inner growth I have time to nuture.  

I can pull off an amazing dinner, do the 10 top Mabon activities on Pinterest and exhaustedly orchestrate it all like a drill sergeant or I can do a few meaningful things while taking time to journal, reflect, touch the earth, speak to the divine, and nature the well of inner peace. It is from this well I can offer myself to my children after all. Inner growth takes time and is an investment for more than just yourself. 

This season I want to ask myself if my life about connection or performance? 

Do I listen when they speak…do I take time to understand and empathize… am I truly present while we celebrate this time of days and seasons… do I rush them or do I cuddle and ease them to sleep…are they a task for my day or a relationship…when they mess up do I express disappointment in them or do I share in their journey as a human who has been there before and knows human life is messy…do I try to show an illusion of perfection or do allow myself to be humbled before them…

What I can offer my children most this season is not in the perfectly performed festival. The greatest gift I can offer is myself living my own life in full connection to the spirit of the values I believe in.